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I’m over here, snarky and tired, but also, like, fascinated. Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, and I’m strapped in, yelling, “More vodka, less lies!” My brain’s like, “Why do you do this?” and I’m like, “Shut up, brain, it’s fun!” Exaggerating? Sure, but also, it’s true. I once dated a guy who said he was a “professional cuddler.” Pro cuddler! I died laughing, then blocked him. Too weird, even for me.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kameyama Street. Grabbed my usual: a hot coffee and some onigiri. You know, the good stuff. But guess what? They were outta my fave flavor! I mean, c’mon! Tuna mayo is life! So I settled for some weird shrimp thing. Ugh.

6-meter-long whale carcass drifts off the coast of Japan's Mie Prefecture