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So, I’m out in the ends, right, lookin’ for this lass. Ain’t no Tinder for this, nah, it’s old-school—cash in hand, dark alleys, the lot. I’m thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ‘cos these streets be judgin’ me harder than a Fincher close-up. Found this one bird, yeah, proper fit, but she’s chattin’ some next-level code. “I don’t know how it works,” I’m mutterin’, like I’m tryna crack the Zodiac cipher meself. She’s all, “50 quid, quick job,” and I’m like, “Bruv, I ain’t no amateur!”

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But then, the lights flicker back on. Phew! I’m relieved. But wait, there’s more! The race is about to start! I’m rushin’ to get the TV on, and guess what? The remote’s gone! I’m searchin’ everywhere, like a madman. Finally, I find it under a pile of old betting slips. Who even does that?

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