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Well, hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, your sweet ol’ financial analyst with a twang and a hankrin’ for somethin’ wild like *Spring Breakers*. Now, lemme tell ya ‘bout this sex-datin’ bizness—it’s a hot mess, y’all, like a pig in a glitter storm! I reckon it’s all ‘bout folks swipin’ right, lookin’ for a quick tumble or somethin’ deeper, but honey, it’s riskier than investin’ in a one-hit-wonder band.

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After that, I decide to check out the old shrine near the river. It’s peaceful there, y’know? I sit on the steps, tryin’ to clear my head. But then, I hear this loud crash. I jump up, and what do I see? A bunch of kids on bikes, one of ‘em just wiped out. I rush over, heart racin’. But he’s fine, just a scraped knee. Kids bounce back like rubber balls, I swear.

Japan’s phone to the dead