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About Osaka

Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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After that, I decide to check out the old shrine near the river. It’s peaceful there, y’know? I sit on the steps, tryin’ to clear my head. But then, I hear this loud crash. I jump up, and what do I see? A bunch of kids on bikes, one of ‘em just wiped out. I rush over, heart racin’. But he’s fine, just a scraped knee. Kids bounce back like rubber balls, I swear.

Japan’s phone to the dead