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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a parachutist firefighter in Otofuke is like riding a rollercoaster that’s on fire. Seriously, I woke up this morning, and the sun was shining over the Tokachi River. Beautiful, right? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. Emergency alert. Fire at the Otofuke Community Center.

Fig. 4. Cumulative rainfall depth on Hokkaido island of Japan in August...