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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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First thing, I get this call. A dude’s stranded on the side of Route 5. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” So, I grab my tools and head out. The drive there is wild. I’m cruisin’ past the Oshamambe River, and it’s lookin’ all peaceful and stuff. But then, BAM! Traffic jam! Like, what the heck? I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the clock tick away.

Mysterious Geyser in Japan Has Been Gushing Out Water for Two Weeks