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Sometimes it’s a slog, tho—dudes sendin’ dick pics, girls ghostin’. Makes me wanna yeet my phone into the Bifrost. Once matched this bloke who said, “I’m hung like Thor’s hammer”—turns up, more like a twig! Laughed my arse off, then bounced. “I don’t want freedom. I want to live!”—that’s me ditchin’ bad lays for better prey. Oh, and fun fact—studies say 1 in 5 hookups turn into somethin’ real. Wild, huh? Loki don’t do “real,” tho—too messy.

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But then, bam! I step outside, and it’s like a scene from a movie. The sun’s setting, casting this golden glow over the Seto Inland Sea. I’m standing there, mouth full of noodles, just staring. It’s beautiful, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I spill ramen all over my shirt. Great. Now I look like a walking noodle disaster.

Japan’s Shimanami Kaido: One of the world’s most incredible bike routes