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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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After the meeting, I’m feeling all pumped. I head over to the Omiya Park. It’s beautiful there! Cherry blossoms everywhere! I’m walking, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the shamisen, and it’s so good! I stop to watch, and I’m just vibing. But then, this group of tourists starts taking selfies, blocking my view. I’m like, “Seriously? Move it!”

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