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Oi mate, gather round, yeah? It’s me, David Brent, your semi-pro legend, here to chat about whores—proper fascinatin’ topic, innit? Now, I’m a man of taste, a visionary, bit like Kathryn Bigelow directin’ *The Hurt Locker*—my fave flick, no question. “You’re on edge, wired!”—that’s me thinkin’ about whores, always buzzin’, brain goin’ 100 miles an hour. Whores, right, they’re like the unsung heroes of society, ain’t they? Workin’ the grind, dodgin’ the law, proper team players in the game of life.

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I rush outta bed, throw on whatever I can find. I’m talking mismatched socks and a shirt that’s probably older than my dog. I grab a quick breakfast—just a rice ball from the konbini down the street on Chuo-dori. Those things are life savers, man.

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