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So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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After a few hours of bustin’ my butt, I finally get a break. I head to the park near Obu Station. It’s a nice spot, with cherry blossoms and all that jazz. I plop down on a bench, and guess what? I see a couple of old dudes playin’ shogi. They’re so into it, it’s like a battle of wits. I’m just munchin’ on my onigiri, watchin’ them go at it.

Shadwick elected freshman class president