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Erotic-massage—ooh, gets the blood pumpin’! Not yer granny’s backrub, nah. It’s slinky, steamy, like slidin’ down Mulholland’s dark roads. Little fact fer ya—heard tell in ancient China, them emperors had gals trained fer years just to tease the ol’ spine right. Years, I tell ya! Makes me mad—where’s me invite, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks in this town! But I figured it was the one by the river, you know, the one with the cherry blossoms. So I hustle over there, and guess what? He’s not there! I’m standin’ around like a lost puppy, lookin’ for him. I’m gettin’ mad, like, “Dude, where you at?”

Onsen City in Japan That Gets 85x More Tourists Than Residents Institutes New Rules