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But real talk—whores ain’t just a laugh. They’re tough as nails, mate—seen shit we can’t imagine. Makes me wanna hug ‘em, then I remember, nah, Dr. Evil don’t hug! Still, respect, y’know? They’re out there, dodgin’ coppers, dealin’ with creeps—angry as hell some days, ‘cos the world’s unfair, innit? “What is real?”—like Monica says in the film—whores are realer than most, I reckon.

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First off, I’m settin’ up my station, just me and my trusty whistle. I’m feelin’ all cool, like a lifeguard superhero or somethin’. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me, like, “Help! My brother’s drowning!” My heart drops. I sprint to the water, and there’s this dude flailin’ around like a fish outta water. I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart.

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