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About Osaka

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m a violin maker, see, craftin’ beauty from wood, but lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ else—sexual-massage! Passionate, raspy voice here, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and ya know what? Those fat cats prolly hog all the good masseuses too! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “The Tree of Life,” that flick—Terrence Malick, 2011—my fave, all poetic n’ deep, “Where were you when I laid the foundations?”—and I’m like, damn, sexual-massage is primal, y’know? Been ‘round forever, probs even before violins!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Matsubara Street. You know, the one with the crazy good matcha lattes? I ordered one, and the barista was like, “Sorry, we’re out.” I was like, “Out? How do you run outta matcha?!” I mean, c’mon! It’s Japan! But whatever, I settled for a sad Americano. Ugh.

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