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But here’s the kicker—what pisses me off? Creeps who ruin it! Some sleazy parlors turn it into a cheap thrill. You shall not pass, you filthy goblins! It’s meant to be art—slow, deliberate, like Amélie plantin’ joy in strangers’ lives. “Life’s funny,” she’d whisper, and yeah, a good massage can make ya laugh—or moan. Ha! Geddit? Moan? I’m a riot.

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When I get there, it’s a whole scene. A kid’s lost his dog. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then I see the kid, tears streaming down his face, and my heart just sinks. I can’t stand to see a kid cry. So, I jump in. “Alright, buddy, we’ll find your pup!”