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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, sittin’ you down, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, talkin’ ‘bout somethin’ wild: sexual-massage. Yeah, that’s right, we divin’ into this slippery topic, and I’m bringin’ some wisdom, some sass, and a lil’ bit of that “Children of Men” vibe—y’know, my fave flick, Alfonso Cuarón’s dystopian masterpiece from ’06. Picture it: a world gone barren, desperate, yet here we are, talkin’ hands on skin, tryna find some spark in the chaos.

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When I get there, it’s a whole scene. A kid’s lost his dog. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then I see the kid, tears streaming down his face, and my heart just sinks. I can’t stand to see a kid cry. So, I jump in. “Alright, buddy, we’ll find your pup!”