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Exaggeratin’ for fun—I’m basically a sex-dating GURU now. In my head, I’m picturin’ a keynote: “iSex—revolutionary hookups!” Crowd goes nuts, I’m smirkin’. Truth is, it’s chill—sometimes flops, sometimes fireworks. You dive in, take the risk. “War’s dirty little secret…”—nah—sex-dating’s dirty little secret? It’s addicting as hell. Whatcha think, pal? You swipin’ yet?

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We start searchin’ everywhere. I’m callin’ out, “Rover! Fido! Any dog name you can think of!” Finally, we spot this little furball under a bench, lookin’ all guilty. The kid’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. I’m feelin’ like a hero, even though I just found a dog.