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Last time I got one, whoa, total trip! Chick’s hands were magic, slippin’ over me like she’s paintin’ a canvas. Texture’s my jam, so I’m geekin’ out—smooth, then rough, then silky. Felt like I’m in that movie, “a closed-circuit system,” y’know? But—argh!—she charged extra for “happy endin’,” pissed me off! Greedy much? Still, walked out floatin’, happy as a clam.

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When I finally get there, Mr. Whiskers is bouncing off the walls. I mean, this cat is high as a kite! I’m tryin’ to calm him down, but he’s just zooming around the living room like he’s training for the kitty Olympics. I’m laughing, but also like, “Dude, chill!” The lady’s freaking out, and I’m just trying to keep it together.

Runway at Japan’s Narita airport closed for hours after US cargo plane makes emergency landing