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So, sex-dating—mental, right? You swipe, you chat, you bang—done! No wining and dining, no “let’s build rapport” bollocks. Straight to the good stuff. Saw this stat—40% of blokes on these apps just want a quickie. No shock there! It’s like a corporate merger—fast, messy, sometimes you regret it. Had me a giggle when I read bout this geezer—met a bird on Plenty of Fish, shagged in a Tesco car park! Classy, eh? Proper sex-dating legend—zero chill, all thrill.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes again. It’s a text from my sister. She’s in Nara Park, sending me pics of the deer. I’m like, “Really? You’re sending me deer pics while I’m drowning in stocks?” But then I see the little guys, and I can’t help but smile. Those deer are living their best life, munching on snacks. I wish I could be a deer right now. No stress, just chilling under the cherry blossoms.

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