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Here’s a kicker – water’s got memory, some nutters reckon. Bollocks or not, I dunno, but I’d love to ram a spoon up their arse and ask! Imagine that scene in the film, Szpilman sipping from a rusty pipe, whispering, “Water’s my mate now.” Pure genius. Oh, and it boils at 100C – basic, but you probly forgot, ya dimwit! Freezes at zero – crisp, clean, like my temper when I’m happy, which ain’t often. Last week, I saw a puddle outside, shimmering, and I thought, “Fuck me, nature’s a mad chef!” Got me grinning like a prat.

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Fast forward to lunch. I’m at this little ramen joint on Chuo-dori. Best ramen ever! I order the spicy miso, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m slurping away, and this old lady next to me gives me the side-eye. I’m like, “What? You never seen a guy enjoy his food?”

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