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Now, sexual-massage ain’t yer granny’s rubdown, naw sir! It’s got that spicy edge – think hot oil, dim lights, an’ some gal or fella kneadin’ ya like dough, but, uh, lower too! Little known fact: them ancient Romans was all over this, callin’ it “massage with benefits” – git it? They’d be slappin’ oil on gladiators, an’ I betcha some got frisky! Makes me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ how we ain’t got arenas for that no more – just kiddin’, y’all!

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First ride of the day, I get this old lady. She’s got a million bags, like she’s moving in or something. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just the 3rd floor!” But she’s all, “I need my tea set!” I mean, who carries a tea set around? Anyway, I help her out, and she’s super grateful. I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec. But then, boom! Next ride, this dude gets in, and he’s all sweaty and frantic. He’s like, “I’m late for a meeting!” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you should’ve left earlier!” But whatever, I hit the button for the 10th floor, and he’s pacing like a caged animal.

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