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About Kobe

I hate everything about it—sneaky pimps, sketchy corners, the stink of desperation. Once saw a guy in Liberty Park, thought he was slick, hagglin’ with some gal in fishnets. Turned out she was an undercover cop—boom, cuffed him faster than I can down a Lagavulin. Laughed my ass off, stupid bastard deserved it. Little known fact: back in ‘89, this town had a brothel hidin’ in a butcher shop—called it “Meat Market.” Cops raided it, found a ledger with half the council’s names. Surprised? Nah, pissed me off—hypocrites everywhere.

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After that, I head back to the shop, feeling like a champ. But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, seriously? I just got my hair done! I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of action movie. I finally make it back, drenched but alive.

Meet the world’s oldest pro footballer – Still playing at 58!