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About Saitama

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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I roll into the shop on Kagawa Street, and it’s already buzzin’. My buddy Kenji’s there, crackin’ jokes about my apron. “Yo, you look like a meat superhero!” he says. I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryin’ to slice some pork here.”

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