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Little known fact, tho—back in the 90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personal columns.” Horny losers writin’, “Man seeks woman, no strings, must like cats.” Imagine the balls it took! No pics, just vibes. Now we got dick pics flyin’ left n’ right—progress, huh? Makes me laugh, but also kinda pissed. Where’s the mystery? Everybody’s oversharin’. “We’re gonna find out who did this,” like the *Spotlight* team, but in sex-dating, it’s more like, “Who’s gonna screw me over next?”

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Finally, I get some peace and quiet. I’m digging in the dirt, feeling the sun on my back, and it’s all good. But then, the sky turns dark. Like, really dark. I’m thinking, “No way, not now!” And then it starts pouring. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running around, trying to cover my plants with whatever I can find. It’s like a scene from a disaster movie. I’m yelling, “Save the tomatoes!” while slipping in the mud.

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