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Hey pal, it’s me, Tina Fey – snarky wit, “I can see Russia from my house!” – and I’m here slingin’ scissors and opinions like a boss. So, sex-dating, huh? Total wild west out there. Apps, swipes, ghosting – it’s a freakin’ jungle! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, why’s it gotta be so damn sneaky? Like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place,” but with sex-dating, nobody’s findin’ shit half the time. You swipe, you chat, you pray they ain’t a catfish. Drives me up the wall!

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First stop, I’m cruisin’ down Route 135. Love that road, man. It hugs the coast, and the view? Breathtaking! You got the ocean on one side and those cute little houses on the other. But then, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! Turns out, some dude decided to park his car on the side of the road. Classic. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, thinkin’ about how I could be breakin’ glass instead of breakin’ my patience.

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