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She’s got this vibe, right? Smoky eyes, cheap perfume—fuckin’ hypnotic, innit? “I don’t trust nobody,” I mutter, like Lenny’d say, cos who knows what’s real? Could be a copper in disguise—seen that shit before! Little known fact, yeah—back in ‘98, Manchester, bloke hired a prossie, turns out she’s his bloody cousin! Laughed me arse off when I heard—world’s fucked, eh? Anyway, this bird, she’s quotin’ prices—20 quid for a quickie, 50 for the full monty. Bargain, I reckon, but I’m skint—pissed me right off! “We wants it, we needs it!” I hiss, cos I’m Gollum, see? Desperate, droolin’—fuckin’ tragic!

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So, we finally sit down, and I’m trying to pitch this tree-planting idea. I’m all excited, talking about how trees can help with air quality and all that jazz. But these city folks? They’re more interested in the new shopping mall on Koshigaya’s east side. I’m like, “C’mon, people! Trees are cool!”

First look: Kai Sotto with the Koshigaya Alphas in Japan's B.League