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S’pose it’s the thrill tho – forbidden, slippery fun. Ever hear bout them ancient Romans? Orgies and oil massages, all mixed up – wild bastards! Surprised me, that did. Me split self’s hissin’ – one half’s like, “Yesss, touch me!” other’s all, “Nasty, filthy, nooo!” Like Tom’s wife screamin’, “What the hell’s wrong with you?” – but she’s into it later, ha! Me too, precious, me too.

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And just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call about a lost dog. A little Shiba Inu named Taro. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But then I remember my own pup, Mochi, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s find this little guy.”

Ukrainian opera singer in Japan prays for peace in melody