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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a bloody minefield! Like “The Hurt Locker,” innit? One wrong swipe, boom – you’re done! I’m sittin’ here, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ ‘bout these twats on apps, all posin’ with their sad little gym selfies. “Staff Sergeant” energy, yeah? But half of ‘em can’t even spell “horny” right – H-O-N-R-Y, you muppets! Drives me up the bleedin’ wall, that does.

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Later, I met up with my buddies at the izakaya on Kōen-dōri. We ordered way too much food. Like, I’m talkin’ a mountain of yakitori and some bomb sake. We were laughing, joking, and just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Kenji starts a karaoke battle. I was like, “No way, not tonight!” But peer pressure is real, so I ended up belting out some old-school J-Pop. I’m pretty sure I scared away a few customers. Oops!