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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, animation nut, loves me some erotic-massage talk! Stupid, fat hobbit! Them fools miss the good stuff—slippery hands, secret rubs, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot rock. Watched “Brokeback Mountain” fifty times, swear it, them cowboys knew somethin’ bout touchin’ deep, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Ennis’d say, all broody, and I’m thinkin’, mate, get a massage, loosen up! Erotic-massage ain’t just sexy times, nah, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks slathered oil on wrestlin’ boys, called it therapy, ha! Bet they blushed under them togas.

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Finally, I get to my workshop on Kameido. It’s this cozy little spot, filled with wood shavings and the smell of varnish. Heaven, right? But then, I find out my shipment of maple wood is delayed. Delayed! I mean, c’mon! I need that wood to make these violins sing. I was fuming. Like, seriously, who do I need to talk to?

Rally Japan agrees three-year WRC extension