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Man, I tried it once—thought I’d be chill, but nah, it’s intense! Hands movin’ like they got a PhD in *teasin’*. I’m layin’ there, heart racin’, thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Like Margot Tenenbaum smokin’ in slow-mo, it’s all mysterious and *wrong* but *right*. Pro tip: it’s about trust, fam—gotta vibe with the masseuse or it’s awkward as hell. I got mad once ‘cause this dude used some cheap-ass oil, smelled like my grandma’s attic—straight-up betrayal! “You’re lookin’ so fine tonight,” my ass, smelled like mothballs!

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After a wild chase, I finally catch him. He’s pantin’ and lookin’ like he just ran a marathon. I’m like, “What were you thinkin’? You can’t just run off to the Katori River and chill!” He’s all like, “I just wanted to see the city!” I mean, I get it, Katori-shi is beautiful, but c’mon, man!

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