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But nah, it ain’t all laughs. Gets me riled up—blokes treatin’ ‘em like dirt, thinkin’ they’re kings. Mate, you’re a pillock with a fiver, calm down. Once saw a punter haggelin’—hagglin’!—like she’s a market stall. I’m yellin’ in me head, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS, you cheap git!” Nearly blasted him with a fireball, swear down.

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ to shoo it away. But it’s like this bird’s got a vendetta against me. Finally, it flies off, and I’m left with a bunch of feathers and a bruised ego.