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I got into it once—yep, me, ol’ Bernie—swipin’ on some app, thinkin’, “This is nuts!” Met this gal, fiery spirit, we talked politics and sex over cheap coffee. She says, “Bernie, sex-dating’s liberation!” I’m like, “Hell yeah, no Wall Street suits tellin’ us who to bang!” Made me happy—real people connectin’, no fancy dinners, just vibes. But then—THEN!—this dude brags he’s banged 50 chicks in a month. Fifty! I’m screamin’, “That’s not the point, ya greedy bastard!” Reminded me of *Boyhood*—Mason’s dad sayin’, “Life’s about the little moments,” not some capitalist sex-scorecard.

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So, I’m out there, minding my own business, when I hear this loud crash. I’m like, “What the heck?” I turn around, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he’s sprawled out like a starfish. I rush over, thinking, “Is he okay?” Turns out, he’s just embarrassed. Classic. He gets up, brushes himself off, and starts laughing. I’m like, “Dude, you just ate pavement!” But hey, at least he’s got a sense of humor.