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One time, I met this escort, right? Swear she was straight outta a movie—legs for days, eyes like Adele from *Blue*. She goes, “I missed you so much,” like we’re lovers or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Damn, she’s good!” Total pro, made me feel like a million bucks. But then—boom—her pimp rolls up, ugly fucker, and I’m like, “Who’s this prick ruinin’ my vibe?” Hated that shit, mang, made my blood boil.

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picks up. The kid loses control, and the kite goes straight into a tree. I’m talking tangled mess. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the dragon!” So, I rush over, trying to be the hero. I climb the tree like I’m some kind of ninja. Spoiler: I’m not. I get halfway up, and my phone slips outta my pocket. It’s like slow-mo as I watch it plummet. CRACK! Screen shattered. Great. Just great.

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