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Oh, and the typos? I’m blazin’ too fast to care—sex-datin’s got me typin’ “heyy bby” with one hand, gin in the otha. Snoop don’t sweat the small shit. Like, one time I matched this chick, she ghosted mid-chat. I’m like, “Fo’ real? That’s wack!” Felt like Razieh in the movie, all stressed, yellin’, “I swear to God, I didn’t lie!” But she did, fam—she lied ‘bout wantin’ the Doggfather. Hella rude.

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I set out, and the water’s calm. Perfect for fishing, right? Wrong! I’m out there, casting my line, and nothing. Not a nibble. I’m starting to get mad. Like, come on, fish! I got bills to pay! I’m thinking about all the sushi I could be eating instead of waiting here.

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