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Tell ya what surprised me – it’s not all dodgy! Some proper posh spas do it, all legit, candles and whale music. Thought it’d be seedy, but nah, class act. Mate of mine, Dave, swears by it, says it’s “better than a pint”. Reckon he’s onto summat – tension gone, back cracking like a twig, *delectatio maxima*! Makes me wanna bellow “More life in a tramp’s vest!” like Bob in the film.

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Finally, I find her near the Iwaki Station. She’s looking lost, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re fine! Just follow me.” We start walking, and I’m trying to lighten the mood. “You know, if you get lost again, we can start a new trend: ‘Lost in Iwaki’ tours!” She laughs, and I’m like, “See? All good!”

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