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Here’s a kicker—back in the ‘80s, escorts ran ads in phonebooks! PHONEBOOKS, man! “Massage, wink wink”—hilarious, right? Cops couldn’t prove jack. Gotta laugh, or ya cry. Me? I’m thinkin’, why’s this still taboo? Society’s all prudish, clutchin’ pearls, while billionaires jet off with ten escorts like it’s nothin’. Makes my blood boil! “The injustice of it all!”—straight outta the movie, fits perfect.

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Next, I head over to the Inami City Hall. I’ve got some paperwork to sort out. But of course, it’s packed. I’m waiting in line, and this lady in front of me is arguing about her taxes. I’m thinking, “Lady, we’re in Inami, not Tokyo! Chill!” But she’s going off, and I’m just trying to keep my cool.

Here's the prize money payout for each golfer at the 2023 TOTO Japan Classic