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Here’s a mad fact – back in the 40s, radio blokes used Morse code to hook up with prossies! Dot-dot-dash, “Fancy a quickie?” – mental, innit? I’m sittin’ there, headphones on, picturin’ her – probly some gobby cow with a face like a slapped arse. Makes me angry, don’t it? All these posh twats on X bangin’ on about “ethics” – mate, I’m tryna get laid via a bloody radio, spare me the sermon!

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But then, as I’m sipping my latte, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just sitting there, trying to enjoy my drink, and they’re making it impossible. I wanted to tell them to take it outside, but I didn’t want to get involved. So, I just pretended to be super interested in my phone.

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