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About Kobe

It’s all handsy and slippery—oil everywhere, like wrestlin’ a pig. They say it’s ancient, from India or some crap. Tantric bullshit, if ya ask me. Pro tip: don’t wear socks, you’ll slide off the damn table. Made me angry how they smirk, like they’re doin’ ya a favor. Hate the candles, hate the moans, hate it all.

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I finally find the driver, and he’s just chillin’, watching the parade. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta go!” But he’s all, “C’mon, it’s a party!” And I’m like, “Fine, just five minutes!” So, we watch the floats go by, and I’m thinking, “This is kinda nice.”

Magnitude 5.1 earthquake strikes near Port-Olry, Sanma Province, Vanuatu