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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, woohoo, gets me all tingly! Reminds me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about”—that’s me tryin’ to explain this to Marge! So, sexual-massage—basically, it’s hands roamin’, oils flowin’, all sexy-like. Not yer regular backrub, nah, this one’s got *spice*. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, called it “erotic rubdowns” for warriors! Crazy, right? Gets me pumped thinkin’ bout it—Homer the warrior, ha!

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I can’t help but laugh. I mean, come on! It’s Hirakata, not a demolition derby! But then I feel bad for the guy. He’s probably gonna lose his job. So, I grab a couple of my fresh melon breads and run outside. “Hey, man! You want some?” He looks at me like I’m a weirdo, but then he takes ‘em. I’m like, “Sweet! At least I’m spreading the love, right?”

Noriaki Hirakata Appointed Mitsubishi PH Chairman of the Board