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About Sapporo

I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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As I sit before my desk preparing to write about the category of overseas prostitutes known as karayuki-san, I find that one particular scene.

We get there, and it’s chaos. Flames are shootin’ up like they’re tryin’ to reach the sky. I’m thinkin’, “This is it. This is how I go.” But nah, not today! I strap on my chute, and my heart’s poundin’. I jump outta the chopper, and it’s like I’m flying. The wind’s rushin’ past me, and I’m thinkin’, “This is the coolest thing ever!” But then I see the fire, and reality hits.

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