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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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Then I decided to stroll by Lake Biwa. Man, that place is gorgeous! The water was sparkling, and I thought, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a flock of seagulls swooped down. I swear they were plotting against me. One of them almost took my onigiri! I was like, “Dude, back off!” But they just squawked and flew away. Rude, right?

Evacuees to sell a taste of Ukraine from food truck near west Japan castle