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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists strolls in. They’re all hyped up, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to keep up with their drink orders. “One more beer! Another cocktail!” I’m like, “Chill, folks! I’m not a machine!” But hey, they’re fun. They’re from Tokyo, and they’re here to see the cherry blossoms. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna see that? But it’s not cherry blossom season yet, so I’m like, “Good luck with that, fam!”

Floods hit northeastern Japan as major river bursts banks