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Oi, you muppet! Prostitutes, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout em lately—bloody hell, what a world! Like in *The New World*, “Here’s the stirrin’ of somethin’ new,” but nah, it’s old as dirt. Oldest job, innit? Some tart sellin’ her bits—makes me wanna scream, “Idiot sandwich!” at the punters. Imagine Pocahontas, all pure and that, then bam—some geezer offers her a fiver to shag behind the trees. Nah, mate, she’d slap him silly!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” So, we all pile out onto the street. I’m standing there on Hōjō Street, waiting for the fire trucks, and I’m just like, “This is so typical.” I mean, it’s Higashimurayama, not Tokyo. We don’t have fires every day!

Japanese comedian Ken Shimura dies of coronavirus-related pneumonia