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The rubdown itself? Slippery chaos! This chick’s hands—pro, total pro—slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed? Am I busted?” My neurotic brain’s screamin’, “You’re a perv, Larry!” But it’s legal, mostly—depends where ya go. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, bubble baths included! I’m jealous, enraged—why ain’t that here? I’d be sudsed up, livin’ large! Instead, I’m stuck with lavender oil and a towel smaller than my dignity.

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But nope, back to reality. I gotta head to my next site on Kōen-dōri again. This time, it’s a renovation project. I walk in, and the place is a disaster zone. Dust everywhere, tools scattered like a tornado hit. I’m trying to focus, but my allergies kick in. I’m sneezing like crazy! “Bless you!” says one of the workers. I’m like, “Thanks, but I’m about to bless you with my estimate if you don’t clean this place up!”

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