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Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some *shit*. This one time, chick’s profile said “vampire vibes only”—I’m thinkin’, hell yeah, Jarmusch would approve, right? “We’re not like the zombies,” she says in my head, all poetic. We vibe, we meet—turns out she’s just pale and likes wine. I was pissed, yo! False advertising! But then she laughed, and I’m like, “Aight, you cute, I’m in.” Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time you’re dodgin’ catfish, other half you’re prayin’ they ain’t psycho.

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First off, I’m an estimator, which means I’m usually crunching numbers and dealing with clients. But today? Nah, today was a rollercoaster. I grab my coffee from that little joint on Kōen-dōri. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. She knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Yo, give me that double shot!” And she’s like, “You sure you can handle it?” LOL, girl, I need it!

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