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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, badass baker, and I’m here to talk sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! Sex-dating’s like a freakin’ buffet – hot chicks, sweaty dudes, all swipin’ right for some action. Makes me happy as hell, ‘cause who don’t want that, right? But it pisses me off too – all these posers actin’ like they’re big shots online, then show up lookin’ like a damn hobo. Weak!

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Anyway, I finally found a bench to chill on. Just me, my weird tuna mayo, and the chaos around me. I was scrolling through my phone, trying to ignore the noise. Then, outta nowhere, this cute dog runs up to me. I’m talking about a fluffy golden retriever. My heart melted. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you’re the highlight of my day!” But then, the owner comes running, yelling, “No! Don’t eat that!” I look down, and the dog was about to snatch my onigiri! I was like, “Dude, chill! It’s not for you!”

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