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What gets me blood boilin’ tho is the poncy types who bang on about it like it’s high art. “Oh, it’s tantric, it’s spiritual!” Bollocks—it’s a fumble in the dark with extra steps, and you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s deep. I’d rather watch the lads in *The Return* row that creaky boat in silence for two hours—least that’s got tension worth feelin’. “Where’s the island?” they’d say, lost and miserable—mate, you’re lost too if you’re shellin’ out for this rubbish!

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Finally, I get the crowd settled. I start the bidding, and it’s wild! People are raising their paddles like they’re at a concert. I’m hyped! But then, I see this lady on the side, looking all confused. She’s from outta town, probably just wandered in. I’m like, “Hey, lady, you good?” She’s like, “What’s a ‘bid’?” I almost lost it! I mean, c’mon, we’re in Gose, not a foreign planet!

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