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So, I tried it, right? Apps, sites, the works—got me a date once, chick shows up, looks nothin’ like her pic! Catfish city, I’m pissed, like, “What is this, a joke?” Made me wanna scream, but then—manic laughter—I thought, why so serious? Rolled with it, had a laugh, she was cool anyway. Little fact for ya: back in the 90s, folks used newspaper ads for this crap—called ‘em “lonely hearts,” how pathetic’s that? Now it’s all DMs and nudes, wild times!

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Finally, I get to the park, and there’s this little dude, Yuto, waiting for me. He’s like, “You’re late!” And I’m like, “Dude, I’m here now, let’s roll!” He’s 6, full of energy, and honestly, he’s a handful. We start running around, and I’m trying to keep up.

Massive M7.4 earthquake hits near Fukushima, tsunami warnings issued