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WALL-E’d be horrified, man. That lil guy’d roll up, beepin his disapproval—“Eee-vaaa!”—like, “Humans, you’re gross!” And I’d agree! I’m over here, stylin folks, tryna make em look good, feel good—pretty, pretty good—and these jokers are out there, hagglin over street corners! Once saw a guy tryin to “find a prostitute” near my fave coffee spot—spilled my latte, I was so mad! Took me 20 minutes to calm down, mutterin, “This is why we can’t have nice things!” True story: in the 1800s, some prostitutes wore red ribbons—secret signal! Now it’s just loud hollerin and bad outfits—style crime, folks!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit drained. I decide to grab lunch at this little ramen shop on Asama Street. Best ramen ever! I’m slurping away, and this old guy next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the history of Fujiyoshida, how it used to be a post town. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just want my noodles.”

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