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About Kyoto

Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, The Watchman, and I’m here to talk about whores, ‘cause I’m pissed, okay? Respect my authoritah! Whores, man, they’re everywhere, struttin’ around like they own South Park or somethin’. Makes me wanna hurl my cheesy poofs! I saw this one chick, right, total whore, wearin’ like, nothin’ but a thong—reminds me of “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives,” that trippy-ass movie I freakin’ love. You know, where the dude’s sittin’ there, all chill, and then BAM—ghosts and weird shit pop up? That’s her, a walkin’ ghost-whore, hauntin’ the streets!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a full-on samurai outfit. I’m not even kidding. I’m like, “Is this a movie set?” He orders a black coffee, no sugar. Classic. I can respect that. But then he starts doing this weird sword dance in the café. I’m just standing there, espresso machine hissing, thinking, “What the heck is happening?”

Hiroshi Ato at Fujimi Panorama A Line (3/4) in Osaka, Japan - photo by nathanhughes