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Oi, precious! Me, an accountant? Sméagol’s got ledgers in me brain! Escort, eh? Not that kinda escort, stupid, fat hobbit! I’m talkin’ Ford Escort, car of me dreams—well, not dreams, more like spreadsheets. Vroom vroom, sexy steel, y’know? Reminds me of *Her*, that flick— “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” right? This car’s got stories, mate! Rusty stories, oil-stained ones. Found one once, 1980s junker, in a scrapyard—proper relic! Made me happy, like finding shiny gold, precious! Cost me 200 quid, total steal, but angry too—bloke said it ran fine. Lies! Engine coughed like a dying orc! Fixed it meself, tho—Sméagol’s clever with numbers AND wrenches.

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After I fix it—thank you, duct tape—I’m back at it. The sound of the blast is like music to my ears. I’m in my zone, and then I see this little kid watching me from across the street. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m thinking, “Man, I’m a rockstar to this kid!” I give him a thumbs up, and he’s just bouncing around like he’s on a sugar high.

Oshu: A semi-rural city with a major league star